Two Rivers Ministries

My prayer is that the LORD is COMPETENT enough for my INCOMPETENCE.  The LORD is a teacher who is capable of teaching.  The FATHER knows what I have yet to understand.  And the FATHER knows how I’ll learn as I surrender all the places of my heart to say YES LORD, YOU CAN.  HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT ENOUGH FOR MY INEFFICIENCIES.  -taken from Heather A’s blog.

You know the phrase “the more you know, the more you realize how much you don’t know”?  This phrase pretty much sums up my life as it is right now.  The more I find out about God, the more I find myself confused, sobered and uncertain of the next step.  When I moved to Cairo, I had to come face to face with a God I had never known up until that point.  A God I wasn’t sure I could deal with, or accept.  One of great love, but love in a way I have never seen.  A God that shows compassion and justice, but cannot tolerate sin and executes judgement.  Buddy Christ was gone from my life and the Lion of the Tribe of Judah was set before me. 

It has been hard to deal with this lion, I aint gonna lie.  I didn’t know what to do with him.  I still don’t on many days.  I walk cautiously around him, eyeing him in awe and bewilderment.  And he stands there staring back at me, waiting patiently.   A few times I have come close enough to stretch out my hand and touch him.  He has let me stroke his mane.  I have felt incredibly safe in his presence and wanted to stay there with him. I know he would let me, that he even wanted me to stay.  As soon as I felt comfortable, he let’s out a loud roar.  Doubt and confusion fly through the air and hit me like an arrow.  Maybe this isn’t so good after all.  I don’t understand why he is roaring. 

I don’t understand why it scares me so much.  His power is displayed and there I go, booking it back to the perimeter and thus begins our watching and staring contest once again.  I know there is a sadness in his eyes that grows each time I play road runner, but I can’t help it.  I don’t know what I think will happen if I just stay beside him in the midst of all the roaring.  Maybe that I will get swallowed up in the backlash, or that I won’t be able to stand in the midst of all the proverbial poop hitting the fan. 

What is the alternative, though?  Sure, I could run back to my buddy Christ and fling myself into his arms.  I can try to find comfort in that version of Jesus once again.  I am sure he would welcome me back  Maybe I would be comforted for awhile.  But I would know that this Jesus I am clinging to is just my own taylor- made opiate for the masses.  I am just burning more offerings on the altar of idolatry.  That’s right.  Idolatry.  It is not some golden calf or wooden statue, but it is not Him in His fullness.  Accepting anything less is not accepting Him. 

So…I am still learning.  The staring game continues.  But I know that the mystery of Him is not too big for Him to communicate to someone as little as me.  His word says His desire is to reveal these mysteries to us.  So, I will reach out and take hold of that truth.  HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT ENOUGH FOR MY INSUFFICIENCIES.